y memory of this is still clear because we just finished the reading, but\u2026memories fade, and those that don\u2019t? They get muddled. Memory is unreliable, and it only gets worse with time. The details are important here, so I need to get them down while I can. While I still have it right.<\/span><\/p>\n I should back up first, though, because I didn\u2019t have time to do that earlier. That, and I felt like I was on the verge of an anxiety attack or something. I had really worked myself into a panic. How was I even able to talk to anyone? I suppose it could be that I\u2019m remembering it as worse than it really was. Maybe. I am not exactly doing <\/span>well<\/span><\/i> right now. Far from it, really. But I don\u2019t know. See above.<\/span><\/p>\n After talking to Radella on the walk back from dinner, I asked Ameiko if she would stay with me tonight. \u201cI don\u2019t want to be alone right now,\u201d I said. \u201cI need someone with me. I\u2026can\u2019t really explain it.\u201d I still can\u2019t<\/span><\/p>\n \u201cOf course,\u201d she said. \u201cYou don’t have to explain.\u201d Probably so that I wouldn\u2019t think I was being a burden to her, she added, \u201cHonestly, I won’t mind the company. After months of sleeping practically on top of one another in those wagons, having a room to myself feels strange.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n I was kind of feeling just the opposite. Or I had, until this morning.<\/span><\/p>\n \u201cThank you,\u201d I said. \u201cI don\u2019t <\/span>think<\/span><\/i> anything will happen, at least not <\/span>directly<\/span><\/i>, but\u2026\u201d I didn\u2019t have to add that I could be coerced or manipulated, and no one would be the wiser. And of course, everyone here seems to live in fear of him. Even if <\/span>I<\/span><\/i> am safe, the people here may not be. <\/span>I could easily get someone<\/span><\/i> killed<\/span><\/i>, I thought at the time. <\/span>Lots of someones<\/span><\/i>. I shuddered at that.<\/span><\/p>\n Ameiko was quiet for a moment. \u201cI don’t think he’ll simply have you dragged away. He cares too much about appearances for that. But that doesn’t make you safe. Men like him can do a great deal while still pretending everyone involved had a choice.\u201d\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n \u201cI need to ask. Is there anything you can do or provide that can help me? In case I have to talk my way out of trouble, or slip away if I can\u2019t teleport.\u201d I hesitated, not exactly sure how to phrase the rest of it. \u201cThe catch is, I don\u2019t know when it would be needed, so I can\u2019t completely rely on spells.\u201d This is why I was borrowing Radella\u2019s circlet. Every little bit helped.<\/span><\/p>\n It didn\u2019t matter, though. All she had to offer was advice. But. It was <\/span>good<\/span><\/i> advice. \u201cDon’t corner him in front of his court if you can avoid it. If he presses you, give yourself room. Change the subject. Ask for time. Make him wait. We only need to get through tomorrow.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n \u201cIn other words, stall,\u201d I said.<\/span><\/p>\n \u201cYes. Stall.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n \u201cI\u2026I think I need Koya\u2019s help on this, too,\u201d I said. \u201cI am rudderless here.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n Ameiko got Koya\u2019s attention with a small wave and then gestured for her to join us. When she did, I explained what I intended to do and why I needed her there. \u201cI can manage the spell, but I still need help with interpreting the cards.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n Koya thought about it. \u201cI’ve never done it that way. But I don’t see why it wouldn’t work. The spell gives you guidance. The cards give that guidance a language.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n I said, \u201cIt will take me some time to prepare the spell, but I\u2019ll start as soon as I get back to my room.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n Ameiko interjected, \u201cAs soon as <\/span>we<\/span><\/i> get back. We’re staying with you until you’re done. Radella seems to have recruited all the women in the caravan anyway.\u201d The more the merrier.<\/span><\/p>\n The rooms weren\u2019t far. While they settled in, I hastily wrote out what I remembered of the night\u2019s events, got down to memorizing the spell, and then announced, \u201cI\u2019m ready.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n Koya came over to sit next to me. She handed me her deck (mine is not yet finished) and waited for me to start. I pulled out the nine Crown cards for the Choosing, and then I just stared at them. <\/span>Are you sure you want to do this?<\/span><\/i> I remember thinking. I must have been like that for a while, because I felt Koya\u2019s hand touch mine, gently. I snapped out of the reverie, spoke the words to the spell, and drew the first card.<\/span><\/p>\n I was looking at a dragon. It was The Tyrant.<\/span><\/p>\n My heart sank, and Koya’s expression tightened. \u201cThe Tyrant. Power without mercy. Someone who rules through fear and uses those beneath him.\u201d\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n It meant my role in this was linked to the Prince. It was confirming my fears. I stared at it for a while. I\u2019d not studied the art on this one yet. <\/span>Is it\u2026eating its own egg?<\/span><\/i> I shuddered.<\/span><\/p>\n I shuffled the Crown cards back in the deck and laid out the Tapestry, face down. Starting with the Past, I revealed The Eclipse, misaligned.<\/span><\/p>\n \u201cThe Eclipse. A hidden place revealed, or an unheralded ability. The necropolis? Shelyn\u2019s gift of Hon-La?\u201d I asked.<\/span><\/p>\n \u201cPossibly. Don’t force it to fit.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n The next card was The Snakebite. \u201cA weapon used against us. Any of the oni or ninja could fit here.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n Koya nodded. \u201cPossibly.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n A wave of dread washed over me when I turned over the third card. \u201cThe Rabbit Prince,\u201d I said quietly.<\/span><\/p>\n Koya didn’t say anything.<\/span><\/p>\n She didn’t need to.<\/span><\/p>\n It got worse in the next column, which represented the present. Much worse. I turned over the first card and immediately thought I was going to be sick. I could barely speak, but managed to croak out, \u201cThe Marriage. Oh, gods, Koya\u2026\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n Koya put a hand over mine. \u201cKali. Look at me.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n I did.<\/span><\/p>\n \u201cIt does not mean someone is going to marry you. The Marriage is a bond. A permanent change. Something that joins one thing to another. That’s all we know.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n But I couldn\u2019t get past the literal image. It was like I was being sent a personal warning. I could hear and feel my heart pounding in my head. I fought to keep the world from fading into the distance.<\/span><\/p>\n My hand was shaking as I turned over the next card.<\/span><\/p>\n I wouldn\u2019t have thought I could feel any <\/span>worse<\/span><\/i>, but then I was staring at The Beating. I sniffed and wiped away the start of tears, then said out loud what I was thinking. My voice was weak and hoarse. \u201cI\u2014I shouldn\u2019t have done this.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n Koya squeezed my hand. \u201cYou can stop.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n I shook my head.<\/span><\/p>\n \u201cAll right. Here, I think The Beating is describing you, not predicting something. Loss of self. Feeling overwhelmed by something larger than you.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n I admit that this actually made sense, and the thought helped me compose myself.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n \u201cThe Unicorn, misaligned. A false friend,\u201d I said. \u201cI think I know who this is.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n \u201cYou are probably right.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n
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