Calistril 18 (Ordu-Aganhei, Late Night)

M

y memory of this is still clear because we just finished the reading, but…memories fade, and those that don’t? They get muddled. Memory is unreliable, and it only gets worse with time. The details are important here, so I need to get them down while I can. While I still have it right.

I should back up first, though, because I didn’t have time to do that earlier. That, and I felt like I was on the verge of an anxiety attack or something. I had really worked myself into a panic. How was I even able to talk to anyone? I suppose it could be that I’m remembering it as worse than it really was. Maybe. I am not exactly doing well right now. Far from it, really. But I don’t know. See above.

After talking to Radella on the walk back from dinner, I asked Ameiko if she would stay with me tonight. “I don’t want to be alone right now,” I said. “I need someone with me. I…can’t really explain it.” I still can’t

“Of course,” she said. “You don’t have to explain.” Probably so that I wouldn’t think I was being a burden to her, she added, “Honestly, I won’t mind the company. After months of sleeping practically on top of one another in those wagons, having a room to myself feels strange.”

I was kind of feeling just the opposite. Or I had, until this morning.

“Thank you,” I said. “I don’t think anything will happen, at least not directly, but…” I didn’t have to add that I could be coerced or manipulated, and no one would be the wiser. And of course, everyone here seems to live in fear of him. Even if I am safe, the people here may not be. I could easily get someone killed, I thought at the time. Lots of someones. I shuddered at that.

Ameiko was quiet for a moment. “I don’t think he’ll simply have you dragged away. He cares too much about appearances for that. But that doesn’t make you safe. Men like him can do a great deal while still pretending everyone involved had a choice.” 

“I need to ask. Is there anything you can do or provide that can help me? In case I have to talk my way out of trouble, or slip away if I can’t teleport.” I hesitated, not exactly sure how to phrase the rest of it. “The catch is, I don’t know when it would be needed, so I can’t completely rely on spells.” This is why I was borrowing Radella’s circlet. Every little bit helped.

It didn’t matter, though. All she had to offer was advice. But. It was good advice. “Don’t corner him in front of his court if you can avoid it. If he presses you, give yourself room. Change the subject. Ask for time. Make him wait. We only need to get through tomorrow.”

“In other words, stall,” I said.

“Yes. Stall.”

“I…I think I need Koya’s help on this, too,” I said. “I am rudderless here.”

Ameiko got Koya’s attention with a small wave and then gestured for her to join us. When she did, I explained what I intended to do and why I needed her there. “I can manage the spell, but I still need help with interpreting the cards.”

Koya thought about it. “I’ve never done it that way. But I don’t see why it wouldn’t work. The spell gives you guidance. The cards give that guidance a language.”

I said, “It will take me some time to prepare the spell, but I’ll start as soon as I get back to my room.”

Ameiko interjected, “As soon as we get back. We’re staying with you until you’re done. Radella seems to have recruited all the women in the caravan anyway.” The more the merrier.

The rooms weren’t far. While they settled in, I hastily wrote out what I remembered of the night’s events, got down to memorizing the spell, and then announced, “I’m ready.”

Koya came over to sit next to me. She handed me her deck (mine is not yet finished) and waited for me to start. I pulled out the nine Crown cards for the Choosing, and then I just stared at them. Are you sure you want to do this? I remember thinking. I must have been like that for a while, because I felt Koya’s hand touch mine, gently. I snapped out of the reverie, spoke the words to the spell, and drew the first card.

I was looking at a dragon. It was The Tyrant.

My heart sank, and Koya’s expression tightened. “The Tyrant. Power without mercy. Someone who rules through fear and uses those beneath him.” 

It meant my role in this was linked to the Prince. It was confirming my fears. I stared at it for a while. I’d not studied the art on this one yet. Is it…eating its own egg? I shuddered.

I shuffled the Crown cards back in the deck and laid out the Tapestry, face down. Starting with the Past, I revealed The Eclipse, misaligned.

“The Eclipse. A hidden place revealed, or an unheralded ability. The necropolis? Shelyn’s gift of Hon-La?” I asked.

“Possibly. Don’t force it to fit.”

The next card was The Snakebite. “A weapon used against us. Any of the oni or ninja could fit here.”

Koya nodded. “Possibly.”

A wave of dread washed over me when I turned over the third card. “The Rabbit Prince,” I said quietly.

Koya didn’t say anything.

She didn’t need to.

It got worse in the next column, which represented the present. Much worse. I turned over the first card and immediately thought I was going to be sick. I could barely speak, but managed to croak out, “The Marriage. Oh, gods, Koya…”

Koya put a hand over mine. “Kali. Look at me.”

I did.

“It does not mean someone is going to marry you. The Marriage is a bond. A permanent change. Something that joins one thing to another. That’s all we know.”

But I couldn’t get past the literal image. It was like I was being sent a personal warning. I could hear and feel my heart pounding in my head. I fought to keep the world from fading into the distance.

My hand was shaking as I turned over the next card.

I wouldn’t have thought I could feel any worse, but then I was staring at The Beating. I sniffed and wiped away the start of tears, then said out loud what I was thinking. My voice was weak and hoarse. “I—I shouldn’t have done this.”

Koya squeezed my hand. “You can stop.”

I shook my head.

“All right. Here, I think The Beating is describing you, not predicting something. Loss of self. Feeling overwhelmed by something larger than you.”

I admit that this actually made sense, and the thought helped me compose myself. 

“The Unicorn, misaligned. A false friend,” I said. “I think I know who this is.”

“You are probably right.”

The slow approach was killing me, so I turned over the cards in the last column, representing the future, in rapid succession.

Koya let out another sigh, and that feeling of almost being sick reasserted itself. The top right card was The Courtesan. I knew what it represented, but I just sat there shaking my head slowly in denial, so she took the liberty of explaining. Maybe for Ameiko’s benefit more than mine.

Koya studied it for several seconds. “This isn’t about sex.”

I looked at her.

“The Courtesan survives by understanding what people want from her, and knowing how much she can safely give them. I think it’s telling you to use that.”

I still didn’t say anything. I just sat there and stared.

“The Sickness is difficult to interpret,” she continued, though with less certainty. “It could mean the moral decay of a place, or the corruption of an individual of importance in your life.”

I waved my hand dismissively, blowing that card off. It didn’t feel like it had anything to contribute here. Honestly, I just didn’t care. But the last one…

I took a long, deep breath and said, “The Inquisitor. I can’t cheat my way out of it. I have to face it head-on.”

“With the help of your friends,” Ameiko added. She’d been watching the reading quietly this whole time. “Don’t forget that.”

Other than a hint of a smile, Koya ignored the interruption. “Normally, we only interpret a few key cards in the Tapestry. But in this case, most of them had something to say. What is the spell telling you?”

I could feel its effects now, and I was trying to characterize them. “I am being…encouraged…to use my wits.”

A long silence followed. I could feel them watching me. “We have to tell the others,” I said. “Any information we need to get, about the road ahead, Minkai, the Forest…We need to do it tomorrow. Just in case.”